"God doesn't give children with special needs to strong people; He gives children with special needs to ordinary, weak people and then gives them strength. Raising a child with special needs doesn't take a special family, it makes a special family."
" Faith makes life possible. Hope makes life workable. Love makes life beautiful."

The Winwards

The Winwards

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Bad News - but still a Miracle

I found out on 7/24/08 that my new baby boy growing inside me has spina bifida. I first felt shock, and disbelief. But the disbelief soon turned into massive sorrow. I don't think I've ever cried so hard or long in my life! He is my first child, so I was already scared, but now I'm terrified.

It's been 3 weeks since I found out, but I still wonder if I could have done anything to help prevent it. Sometimes I blame myself, or think God must be punishing me for something.

I've been trying to put up a strong front and tell myself that there are worse things that could happen to my son. Trying to convince myself that I can do it, and it won't be as hard as the doctor's say it is. Or at least I'm hoping that it won't be.

I have a follow up ultrasound next Thursday 8/21, to try to find out the extent of the spina bifida and where in the spine it is located. I'll be 23 weeks, so they said that should help, cause he will be bigger.

I just have so many questions. I'm not sure where to begin or where to ground myself. I need some stable information so I can start preparing myself. I'm hoping the follow up ultrasound will give me that.

I know that every child is a miracle. I just wanted my child to be perfect.

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