The day we found out about SB

On Thursday 8/21/08, Ray & I found out for sure that our little boy has spina bifida and club feet. He is also borderline for the Hydrocefelus, where the fluid does not drain properly in the spine, and is collecting in his head.
The estimated location of the spina bifida as far as they can tell on the ultrasound is L4-L5. I'm trying to study what that location entails, but feel very overwhelmed. I know that every child is different, and they all do things in their own time. This may turn out to be minor, but I am really nervous about all the extra challenges with my son. I'm not sure I can handle all that is to come.

I now have to do monthly ultrasounds and blood tests. In the next couple of months we have to go see the surgeon that will do the back closure surgery, and go from there. Once I hit 8 months, I'll have to go into the doctors office 1-2 times per week to monitor the babies heart rate. I'm wondering if that is normal, but I guess its for the good of the bab. We were told that the club feet can be fix via surgery, and there are remedies for the fluid, such as a shunt. It just depends on if he has issues with the fluid after he is born.

I also found out that I will definitely being giving birth via c-section. I am a bit disappointed, cause this being my first child, I really wanted to try it the other way. But I know that the c-section is best for my baby.

Ray really doesn't say much about it. He told me that I would be the one researching it all, cause he is preparing the babies room. I guess that's "fair".

I am so scared, sad, angry, and am not sure where I am going to find the strenth to handle this. I'll just have to handle it. Otherwise why would my father in heaven send me such a special child?

As of yet we have not decided what to name him. We really want a name that means something to us. A name that is strong.

Things for me are hard right now as I try to come to terms with all this, and what is means for the start of my family. The feeling and sadness sit right under the surface, and its amazing how the smallest things can bring them out.