As I think about things from day to day, some days are better than others. In some ways I still blame myself for this, and in other ways I know I didn't do anything to cause this. Today is one of those days that I just feel like there is no way that I can do this!
I think in the long run I am just plain overwhelmed. Overwhelmed about where to start, who to contact first for help financially and/or emotionally. I've had a lot of suggestions, and have done a lot of research on the net. A lot of it is encouraging and helpfull in understanding what may be coming up for me, but it also seems to be such a daunting task.
At times I still think that I must have done something wrong to deserve this, or maybe I'm just being tested by God.
I guess what I really need to figure out first is how to get out out the emotion stressing rut that I can't seem to get myself out of.